oooh boy ok this is a topic for a journal i think about a lot actually? im going to try and keep it as calm and level as possible but also i guess remember that i too, am a tired and grouchy Trans™ with only so much patience

"why do you focus on/talk about gender so much?"

this is a question i see so often online? and admittedly, it almost always comes from cis people. i guess to start with, it should really be noted that for a lot of places, its really hard to be openly transgender and also feel safe and secure in it. i personally can really only speak from an american perspective at least, though having close trans friends as well as my fiance living in europe i have gained some perspective on how some things can get in certain other countries but i cant speak as surely about it

so you have the internet, which is by and large an anonymous gathering where you dont actually have any physical contact with people unless you specifically arrange for those visits. a lot of trans people, esp trans youth, feel a lot safer online because they can be in spaces away from transphobic peers, family, coworkers, etc. that they wouldnt have to worry about outing themselves and possibly falling into danger. that isnt to say there arent transphobic people who are bullies and abusive online (because we all know there are), but in general, the worst youre likely to encounter online is someone hiding behind the anonymous option on websites slinging slurs at you. it stings, it still hurts, but its definitely not the same danger as being disowned by family, fired from work, or beaten up in the streets.

its because of this relative safety that you get kids (and adults!) much more willing to speak about their experiences as trans people. some are still closeted, others are starting to medically transition. you have people all over the spectrum, but we are all rather similar in that, we gotta acknowledge that for the most part, the way society is set up with regards to cis and trans people, trans people are still looked down upon and discriminated against. the internet is one of the few safe spots we got to talk about this stuff. this is often why we talk about it so much. tough luck if you happen to find that annoying, at least maybe this is some perspective for you as to why we talk about it.

my buddy payne left a comment that i featured that also expands on some very important points, here: [LINK]

It's also worth noting re: the first point, for people who may still not understand, is that is a privilege cis people have to not have to constantly think about gender. Trans people are forced constantly to think about and validate our own gender, even if we may not particularly want to. We're pushed to by constant streams of questions, pushed to by a society that wants us to "prove" who we are to every stranger who walks by, pushed to by constant misgendering and the societal, medical, and legal hurdles between us and getting to a place where we aren't subject to those things.

We have to constantly think very critically about how we present, how it is safe to present, how we can and can't talk about ourselves and our gender, weighing spoons and the inevitable conversations that will be forced upon us for expressing our day-to-day existence. It's hard, and as you said, the internet is a (relatively) safe space to bring that up.

endless questions about your body and how you transition

this one is kind of a gradient of various forms of intent. at best its a curiosity that can come from both cis people and other trans people. admittedly im very reluctant to talk about my prospective medical transitioning with people who are not my close friends (who happen to also be trans) or doctors and whatnot

im even more reluctant to talk about it with cis people. its not that cis people are bad, obviously. but theres an issue that comes with being part of a privileged group in that it does come with ignorance. even if youre a cis person who is pretty open and understanding, who could more or less be considered an ally, that still doesnt erase the fact that you experience privilege for being cisgender. with that comes the lack of scope in that cis people simply dont have the trans experience. this isnt a good or bad thing. it simply is itself. but what comes from that is, nagging curiosity. i understand curiosity, people are curious! im curious, youre curious, my moms curious. but also, transgender people often get a lot of questions.

when a cis person asks me a question, i can assure you they are not the first and certainly not the last person to ask me some nagging question about my gender. understand that while its a general curiosity, it can also become extremely tiring to be asked invasive questions about your body, your transition, etc. repeatedly, ad nauseum, over and over as if i owe you this information about myself and as if you are entitled to know about my genitals and body. its pretty much only going to get worse specifically in real life when i actually start HRT, because then i wont be able to hide that my body is physically changing lmao

"why are trans people so grouchy and snippy about questions?"

again, we often get asked these same kinds of questions over and over again, mostly from cis people. im not saying there arent trans people who are simply, fucking assholes, because there are people who are just plain assholes regardless of their gender identities. im not saying that lashing out at people is okay or that the anger isnt too much, but i suppose im also speaking from a perspective more understanding of it

its tiring, okay? transgender people are a marginalized group. at best we are seen as weird and unnatural, insulted sometimes. at worst we get fucking disowned by our families, barred from employment and healthcare, get laws passed against us, get literally raped and murdered specifically for being transgender. this isnt to say "oh cis people have it SOOOO easy" because 1) things are more nuanced than that and 2) intersectionality is a thing. but its also really fuckin important to actually acknowledge that cis people dont get shit on for their gender or have laws passed against them specifically for their genders, and also, look at the fucking numbers for how much shit trans people get. like. its just a thing. its a shitty thing, and thats why we get so fucking angry sometimes. its not the same thing obviously, but the only fucking thing i can think to compare to help understanding it is the anger of people of color with regards to white people and the institutionalized racism so many face

i know ive definitely gotten very angry and lashed out, i really do try my best to be as patient as i can, but im also human and i also deal w a lot of this shit on a daily basis because hurray! im trans! i also happen to be mixed race, pretty fucking mentally ill, somewhat physically disabled among other things and have to juggle a lot, but, ya kno. shit happens. i regret that i get angry sometimes, because i could probably be calmer. and im still working on like, stepping back off the computer when i can feel it bc since its the internet i actually have that ability to just walk away

but boy. dont fuckin tell marginalized people they cant be angry about it ya kno? dont do that shit when you dont got the scope for it